Peace Out! ...confessions from the waiting room

I pause from our ongoing Q&A posts to share with you an excerpt of my personal prayer journal this morning. It may also answer a few "where is your adoption at" questions.

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So much--yet so little--has happened since my last entry. Each passing day of waiting--ambiguous, bureaucratic, paper-chasing, email-anticipating, no phone-ringing, advocating intense--type of waiting comes with ample opportunity to nurture mutant strains of anxiety I never knew were possible to grow.

Philippians 4:6 struck me between the eyes this morning as I walked the familiar route to Tim Horton's with my Forever Families of Canada office on my back. My mind was racing, plotting, worrying, creating to do lists, going through the "what ifs", busy, busy, busy... Me, anxious?! It seems so un-Wendi-like! ...so vulnerable. ...yet so validated in our chronicles of adoption narnia. The anxiety bug was biting at my soul and biting hard. Chomp, chomp. Evidently, I am not immune to this rampant pandemic of anxiety. I need to check in with my Great Physician. I need to get a grip, his grip...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil.4:6-7)

I've heard this verse countless times - usually like a cute Hallmark reminder that makes me feel cozy. As I pounded the pavement with driven determination to my destination, I was not feeling cozy. I was feeling challenged. I was challenged to choose -unnaturally I might add - to give everything over to God, my heart's desires and all --not an easy feat for a, shall I say "driven", person like myself, ah em. But somewhere in the mix, I think "driven" surrender will find its rhythm when I allow God to be my Lord, like really, not as a cliche. I figure God must have made me feisty for a reason, and to give up on causes for justice and transformation would be to cut me off from breathing. He didn't give me a pink slip to my role in being a voice for the voiceless. If anything, He has been swinging open more doors, huge gates really, of opportunity to speak up. So why am I anxious?

I never noticed until today that this passage in Philippians does not promise our desired results, but promises God's peace to guard us. This passage God brought to mind was not my invite to play the "gimme gimme" game with Him. It was my invite to be more eager to be in a position of peace with God than for my desired outcome to come to pass. This is hard, especially when the pursuit is, well, worth fighting for. It is so easy to equate the two, rather than pursue God as being enough. 

I want both God and genie; his peace and my answered prayers. Today I can't have both. As I sip my Tim's dark roast, one cream, one sugar, I also brew over my options. So I am choosing God. I choose him in prayer, in petition, and in thankfulness for being my Lord in a depraved and suffering world. 

Jesus come! Come into our crooked and backwards foster care and adoption system. Come to our authorities and use them to bring transformation. Come speak life and vision to your Church so she might rise up against injustice or more so rise up against internal hypocrisy and indifference. Come set captive children free into loving families. Come to waiting families. Come to struggling families -- and be our peace, our Prince of Peace. Thank you God that you come to us and guide us, you fill us and you inspire us, you love us and you are in control.

I'm not backing down. I'm not giving in. God's biting back at my anxiety with an anti-retroviral peace that goes deeper than pathetic circumstances. Short from breaking out into a Kumbaya in the coffee shop, I am choosing to give it up to God and peace out in the waiting room of my soul. My soul is not pacing around anxiously any more, it is quietly doing push ups - getting ready for my turn to arm wrestle the enemy into submission.

I think it will be worth the wait!

#6: WHERE IS YOUR ADOPTION PROCESS AT?

#6: SO WHERE IS YOUR ADOPTION PROCESS AT?

Apologies for the lengthy silence. Many have been asking where things are at with our adoption process, and if I were to use an analogy I would say we are still in labour and delivery room while you sit in the waiting room, well... waiting. Things are happening, just no announcement... yet.

Since our last adoption update, where we were registered to adopt siblings domestically from the foster care system, we not only came to realize some major roadblocks within the system that we are passionate to address as a non-profit, but also were personally captivated by surprise to adopt from China. This was not something within our plans, but we sensed it was something we needed to be open to. So we committed to China! (I know, I know, many of you are now asking: "why would you adopt internationally when there are so many waiting kids in Canada?!" - Hang in there, that'll be my next blog entry, glad you are asking :)

So end of March we transferred from domestic too inter-country (China). Homestudy was already done and transferrable, so it was not a big administrative switch - or so we thought... No words to describe the agony of beaurocratic issues in completing simple tasks. I call it the Rube Goldberg machine of adoption (wikipedia definition: a contraption, invention, device or apparatus that is deliberately over-engineered or overdone to perform a very simple task in a very complicated fashion, usually including a chain reaction.) 

Fast-forward more than 3.5 months after switching to inter-country, we finally received provincial approval for China, and yes! for an older child, out-of-birth-order (which has historically not been approved in MB). There are no epidurals available for painful adoption processes, but like welcoming any child, it will be worth the pain and wait and push for change in our system, There has been much character-building opportunity in this long labour process, even a "miscarriage" along the way in a missed opportunity to adopt a special needs aging-out Chinese child on the shared list that we had been praying for. (But by God's grace, a family is rushing through paperwork right now and will be adopting him days before his 14th birthday, before he has no legal chance of ever having a family. Big phew! So happy for him and his new family!). 

Now we are waiting for the big push, when we receive a referral of our new child. And you will be one of the first to hear about it by staying connected to our blog (unless you hear our screaming of celebration in the air). We are told now that we have our provincial approval, a referral for a child could come quickly, as there are many older special needs children waiting to be adopted and few families lining up for older children. We still have much paper processing before us when the child is referred, but it "should be" less complicated and more predictable. Good bye Rube Goldberg?! Sure hope so, but never a guarantee.

Like any child born into the family, once they are in our arms, the work of raising them has just begun and we have much catch up to do with the child as they learn what it means to have a family, go through healing and attachment, and the many cultural/language adaptations. Some have questioned if we know what we are signing up for, in adopting an older institutionalized child (teen or tween), out-of-birth order from our younger biological children. Hey, this too will be addressed in a future blog. 

Stay tuned to more of our crazies, right here on park127.blogspot.ca!

#5: ARE YOU CRAZY?!

We want to thank all of our family, friends, and acquaintances for taking an interest in our lives, and for asking some really good questions. We think good questions deserve good explanations. These weeks we are posting the top 10 questions you are asking and our responses. Feel free to message us questions you may have. They may just make the top 10 :)


QUESTION #5: ARE YOU CRAZY?!!!

Photography by Kehlen

Okay, this is more of a rhetorical question that even the most well-intended person has asked us regarding adding to our family exponentially through adoption. It's meant in fun, sort of; but really communicates that we may be biting off more than we can chew, blind to the hazards ahead, and certainly not a Canadian normal. And they are right to some degree on all three points, which has lead us to one simple conclusion: we really need God. But so do you. And the next person, and the next. We need God. Sometimes it takes God calling us into crazy love to recognize this more deeply.

Some have said that we should rather have more kids "of our own" (meaning biological) because they "turn out so cute" as biracial children in our image. One person consoled us that God promises in Scripture to take care of the fatherless and that we should not take it upon ourselves and potentially disrupt our "perfect family". While I smiled and willingly accepted the "crazy" title, inwardly my convictions just were fortified yet to a deeper level, not only theologically, but also the fact that already adding Isinino to our family has simply made it more perfect (not the perfectionist OCD perfect, but the kind that makes things more complete, fulfilled, purposeful, albeit flawed and in need of grace).

So are we crazy?! In short, the answer is a resounding 'yes'. 
- We are crazy passionate for children to belong in families.
- We are crazy excited for who else God will bring into our family.
- We are crazy stirred by injustice and need for changes on micro and macro levels.
- We are crazy moved to do something about it.
- We are crazy. Just plain crazy. In the uninhibited way we express joy in the home.
- We are crazy thrilled to support, encourage, equip others in their journey to discover how they can make a difference.  

"Normal" is just an allusion that leads to disillusionment. Call us crazy, we are not offended. It's our new normal. ;-o  :)

#4: HOW DO YOU SUPPORT YOURSELVES?

We want to thank all of our family, friends, and acquaintances for taking an interest in our lives, and for asking some really good questions. We think good questions deserve good explanations. These weeks we are posting the top 10 questions you are asking and our responses. Feel free to message us questions you may have. They may just make the top 10 :)


QUESTION #4: HOW DO YOU SUPPORT YOURSELVES?

Did you know that 1+1=infinity? Of course it does ;)

Now, you are probably too polite to tell me to back away from accounting and I am probably too eager to agree with that assumption. But this time, I need to defend my case and share with you how this equation holds true for our family. 1+1 DOES = Infinity. Just blame the Apostle Paul for my math skills on this one :) 

Ephesians 3:20 NLT

Now glory be to God (1)! By his mighty power at work within us (+ 1), he is able to accomplish (=) infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.

How is it that 2 people, who give up the security of two full-time salaried positions, could possibly make ends meet while raising a family, pursuing adoption, and starting a national non-profit ministry? (a whole new meaning to "non-profit" lol) It seems to not all add up, like the equation I gave you earlier. We get where people are coming from when we are frequently asked about how we manage ourselves in this new (ab)normal. 

No time to haul out the violin and play us some droning music. And no, this blog is not going to pull a fast one on you with a paypal link below for the poor stupid couple who gave up job security to change the world (insert Canadian sarcastic tone here). This goes deeper than one's pockets. It's about 1 God patiently working within 1 flawed but seeking couple, showing to us that he is able to do infinitely more than what common sense tells us is reasonable.

At the time we resigned from our previous positions, it seemed like a HUGE leap of faith. Now looking back this past year, it seems like it wasn't so much a risky leap of faith as it was a trust issue. The same could be said in the present tense. I know God is our Provider, but do I really trust that God will provide for our family, the new ministry, the adoption? It's cute to trust God when I have things figured out and within calculated control. It's something fierce to trust Him when I don't. 

We wish we could recount to you all the ways that God has provided for us, like when support came to us on different occasions without even asking, when scholarships were granted to be at important conferences we needed to be at, hotel accommodations and billets offered to us without asking, or when children's clothing were passed on to us just at the right time, and you've likely already read about the time our van was healed while travelling. So maybe we live a little more simple, so what, it does us good. Our lives have been made richer by countless guests in our home like you wouldn't believe (I kid you not, we have 11 sleeping in beds under our roof tonight) Good times. This only is made sweeter by the fact that last summer when we made the transition, we found ourselves in a humourous situation where we had beds of all shapes and sizes find their way to our doorstep from different unrelated sources. Heaven must have sent out a memo that we would be needing them, because I never would have imagined it. Harold and I looked at each other with a curious smile and wondered how God would ever cause us to need soooo many beds. Tonight, every bed is being used, just right. And this hasn't been the first. That's how good God is. 

Not to leave you with visions of rainbows and unicorns, I need to confess that trusting is not always easy. What we think we need is not handed to us on a silver platter. God hasn't been our ATM machine, nor our genie in a bottle, and neither a bling-bling prosperity gospel show-off God. But we have all we need. It's in the provisions of what God knows we need that keep us in awe. Provisions don't come to us on our clock, on our budget forecast, nor do we have all we need for the vision God has given us moving forward... yet. But I do know that God can be trusted.

#3: HOW CAN WE PRAY FOR YOU?

We want to thank all of our family, friends, and acquaintances for taking an interest in our lives, and for asking some really good questions. We think good questions deserve good explanations. These weeks we are posting the top 10 questions you are asking and our responses. Feel free to message us questions you may have. They may just make the top 10 :)

Question #3: HOW CAN WE PRAY FOR YOU?

Ready to get your prayer on? We are so glad some of you are asking us!! In some ways it would be easier to simply blog the highlights and happy stories that people want to read, but it would be superficial if we did not also be vulnerable with you and let you in on some of things we need your prayers on. We are only kidding ourselves if we assume we can be on this adoption and ministry journey on our own strength. We truly appreciate your prayer support and hope you recognize the blessings God pours out on you as you partner with us in prayer. 

1) WISDOM: 

King Solomon was onto something when he pleaded with God for wisdom... "But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” 
We are not political leaders, like Solomon, but we are called to bring leadership and movement within the Canadian Church for the cause of waiting children and adoptive/fostering families. This. is. not. humanly. possible. without the guidance and wisdom from God. We need it, and we would love it if you interceded on our behalf as we plan, meet, research, advocate, speak and bring direction to the forming non-profit.

2) PROVISION:

We can certainly agree with the Psalmist (23) that "the Lord is our Shepherd, (we) shall not want." We have it good. We eat. We are relatively warm in this frigid weather (-34C to be exact). We have a roof over our heads. We are surrounded by a supportive community of friends and family. By global standards, we are filthy rich.

By asking your prayers for provisions, we don't simply mean prayer for our bank account and a guilt-ridden hint to pass the hat around. If our vision was for ourselves, we're good. But the vision God gave us extends way beyond ourselves and our personal capacity. There would be no way that we could take strides forward if not for the provisions of God along the way. So far so good, and God has proven himself to be the faithful God he says he is. But we continue to seek prayers of faith that He would continue to orchestrate the details so that we would not be stalled from growing forward. 

Currently our ministry is on a $0 operational budget in it's infancy, personal support aside (=one salary). Money is probably the easiest aspect for the Church to join in on, but underlying this, we pray for God to provide churches and leaders with a common vision for what God has placed on our hearts. We pray that we would be faith driven and that God would provide for all the details to get there; things like praying specifically for provisions to travel within Canada, to provide educational resources to various areas we are working in, to provide basic administrative gaps in the process, to provide favor over legal processes and buy-in of key influencers; and the provision of good family care and education options as we seek to balance ministry and family life. 

3) PROTECTION:

Please pray God's physical protection over our family as we find ourselves on the road travelling within province and beyond, in relation to our work. Travel for us is not about "oooh, a holiday" but a necessary part of forming a national network ministry.  This Spring, travels to BC, SK, and Chicago will find our Honda Odyssey rolling through many a highway as we continue meet, form, equip and be equipped in various destinations. If you have been following our posts, you will have read about our travel adventures last summer and the vehicle miracle we witnessed (see post "Oh Deer!"). Much of our travels include the family, others do not, as the kids stay with extended family and attend school. We value your ongoing prayers for protection.

Also, we value your prayers for spiritual protection over our family. I have personally experienced increased spiritual warfare as we step on enemy territory and become more proactive in addressing adoption and foster care within the Church. It truly is not against flesh and blood. I feel like we are moving from defense position to offense position as the vision God has given us runs in direct opposition to the enemy. Pray that we would be acutely aware of the unseen and be equipped and supported in this battle for justice, Truth, and Church awakening and mobilization in this ministry. I should hope the enemy trembles with waiting children finding homes and the Church being awakened to God, but we'd appreciate prayers as the enemy likes to take target practice at the messengers.

4) FAMILY:

Pray for us as a family, for our marriage (of almost 9 years strong), and each of our children (Isinino 21, Kehlen 5, Mikhala 3). 

Isinino will be graduating from high school this June! Pray for continued direction and that her heart would continue to seek after and discern the heart of God. Pray that God would raise her up to be a leading defender of the oppressed and compassionate advocate for Truth and justice. 

Kehlen is in Kindergarten and continues to ask theological questions of a seminary student. Pray that God would honour his seeking heart and make choices that would keep God central in his life. Pray that God would raise him up to be a God-fearing leader of wisdom and a compassionate helper among the weak. 

Mikhala is our free-spirited toddler and has just begun to expose her little, but mighty, mind to us. Pray that she would freely desire to know God more and that God would raise her up to be a bold and creative leader of mercy and faith.

5) ADOPTION PROCESS:

We are in the "hurry up and wait" mode these days. We are on the registry for a local sibling adoption from within the foster-care system, although we have no idea how quickly or slowly this process could take. One of the biggest factors may in fact be our request to go out of birth order in the adoption (meaning, we would desire to adopt siblings between Kehlen and Isinino's age, which typically they do not approve in our province but it IS being discussed on a provincial level now to see this changed!) Pray that the province would be more progressive in their adoption practices to bring more waiting children into homes.

Pray also for wisdom, as we are also open to looking internationally but need a sense of direction for what country and program to connect with in the process. Adoption laws and political stability of our country and foreign countries is always in flux, not to mention all the ethical considerations to keep informed on. We need wisdom, provision ($$), and favor to get through the red tape, hoops, and will of those in authority of our adoption process.
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This may be one of those blogs you choose to click print and physically post in a place you can be reminded to pray for on a regular basis. We would love to hear from you, if in prayer God gives you words, visions, pictures or impressions in the process of intercession. If God stirs something within you, let us know so we can pray with you as well. You can email us at hwpark127@gmail.com.